


Stupid, Useless Things

by Kiraly



Category: Stand Still Stay Silent
Genre: Angst, Based on that one page where Lalli holds the cat, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-27
Updated: 2017-01-27
Packaged: 2018-09-20 04:30:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9475760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiraly/pseuds/Kiraly
Summary: After the battle that changed everything, Lalli tries to hold it together. He ends up holding someone - and being held - instead.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [page 666](http://sssscomic.com/comic.php?page=666), especially [this comment](http://disq.us/p/1fmwbty) by the wonderful Róisín. In other words, I had some excess feelings and needed to get them out somehow.

The air reeked of smoke and charred troll. Dawn tinted the sky, a red glow bleeding onto the ground. It was quiet: soft sounds of conversation from the direction of the tank, the occasional hiss and pop of settling coals. No other sounds to indicate that last night had happened. With the desolation assaulting his other senses, it seemed cruel that his ears were spared. Maybe the battle with the ghost had damaged his hearing.

Then raised voices from the other side of the field broke into his awareness, and Lalli knew he couldn’t fool himself into thinking he had somehow been injured. That would have been an excuse, and there was no excusing this. Physically, he was fine. He’d come out of the battle without a scratch. But he’d...there was...this should never have happened. He was supposed to be the one standing between the trolls and the people who couldn’t protect themselves. So why was he unharmed, when Tuuri was...not?

Lalli’s eyes prickled. Smoke, probably. He blinked hard. No more excuses. No more mistakes. He’d failed already, in the worst way, but at least he could keep watch. Nothing else was getting past him.

Something nudged his ankle. Lalli froze; all of his instincts clamored, then subsided. Oh, right. The cat. The tiny, blundering creature hadn’t done her job either, and now she was bothering him instead of going to someone who actually wanted her. Typical.

“...Stupid, useless thing,” he muttered, glaring down at her. She didn’t seem to care. Just kept rubbing against his leg, huddling close as though that could somehow protect her from the dangerous world. She should know better by now.

But she didn’t. She had no idea what had happened, or how badly everything was ruined. And because she didn’t know, and because she would probably get stepped on if she kept wandering around by herself, Lalli stooped to pick her up. That was the only reason. He didn’t  _ want  _ to hold the dumb cat. Didn’t want to press her close to his chest, but that was the best way to support her. And he certainly didn’t want to bury his face in her fur, but the smoke really was getting to him. His throat burned, and his eyes squeezed shut. There was nothing for it but to clutch the kitten close and stand there, because if he moved he would surely break into pieces and blow away.

After an endless moment—a minute, an hour, an eternity—soft steps in the ash reminded him that his ears were working just fine. He couldn’t bring himself to care.

“Lalli?” Emil. Of course. Somehow it was always Emil who came after him, with his stupid shiny hair and his stupid grin and his stupid language that made no sense. He shouldn’t be here, but Lalli didn’t have the strength to send him away.

“Lalli.” A gentle touch to the top of his head; he still had his face buried in the cat. Lalli raised his eyes and opened them, waiting for the Swedish babble to begin. But instead, Emil simply brushed a strand of hair away from his eyes and looked at him, his face reflecting everything Lalli felt. Sorrow deep enough to drown in. Exhaustion, weighing heavy like a soaked coat. Anger, too, though whether it was directed at the trolls or the situation or something else, Lalli couldn’t tell. There was no sign of the usual grin. Ash dulled the golden hair. 

At one time, back when they first started out, Lalli had thought of Emil kind of like the kitten. He stumbled into things a child should have been able to avoid. He oozed friendliness, despite the fact that Lalli did nothing to encourage him. He gave his affection without a second thought, and was in many ways a fluffy, useless addition to the team. Nice to look at, but not much else.

Now, of course, Lalli knew better; he’d seen Emil at his work, and despite his clumsiness he still managed his job well enough. He fought fiercely, even when he was clearly terrified. He put up with his sandwiches being stolen and having soup thrown on him. And he’d managed some impressive explosions, which Tuuri said was something Cleansers were actually supposed to do. There was a core of strength beneath the sparkly outside. And now, with the shine rubbed away, that strength showed through.

_ “Lalli.”  _ This time Emil let the word propel him forward. He pulled Lalli into his arms, kitten and all. The motion was clumsy and rough, unexpected and unasked-for. But not unnecessary. Not unwanted. Lalli sagged, using Emil’s shoulder to support his head and Emil’s hair to block the smoke from his smarting eyes. Hands rubbed circles on Lalli’s back, hands that had so recently channeled fire and pulled a trigger on a wounded troll. And now the flood of Swedish came, whispered words that meant nothing and everything. They washed over Lalli, soothing him even as the last of his resolved slipped away. The smoke won the battle with Lalli’s eyes, and Emil held him.

When they eased apart—minutes, hours, an eternity later—Emil’s eyes were red and glistening from the smoke, too. He said something that Lalli almost understood, something about trolls and...the cat? Yes, the kitten, who had fallen asleep in Lalli’s arms. Emil’s face softened to see her, but he gestured around the desolate battleground with an apology written on his face. Right, the cleanup. He had to make sure all the trolls were dead so nothing worse could happen. 

_ No more mistakes. _ The thought resurfaced, but with Emil’s hand in his, it hurt a little less. With the sleepy kitten curled in the crook of his elbow, he felt a little less useless. And so, surrounded by silly creatures who wouldn’t leave him alone, Lalli blinked away the last of the smoke and set out to finish the fight. 


End file.
